I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i dont even know how to be here
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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