Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
