Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
