walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Still dying that you shit outside
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
