I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
