bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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