:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
