in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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