sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
