i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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