reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
