Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
