What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
