Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
