It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
