You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
