I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
