I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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