Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and i looked up. we had an audience...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
