DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I want a musical about memes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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