i already hear my dad disowning me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
