i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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