david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
