I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
