the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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