Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
