i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize