wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
