Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
