dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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