He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
