you would pick up someone in the library
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think your dad took our porno
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
