Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
