everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
