i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Damn victory sex feels great
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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