i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
