I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
