I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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