thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
not ubering you a puppy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
