Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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