Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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