Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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