What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
