i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
vagina is talking i cant
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
