I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
