I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
