Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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