I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
