Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
