I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
