this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
