is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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