can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
