We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
