mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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