His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
