she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
