I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
