I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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