Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
