I just saw a hot homeless man
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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