i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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