why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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