i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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