i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
