I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
