from now on my penis is your penis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize