But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
