So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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