Please, let me fuck your mom
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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