omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
