When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
