so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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