For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
