I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
