you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize