My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
