Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I just sharted jello shots
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
