exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
