omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
