sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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