I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
