The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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