Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Houston, we have a blender
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
