This is not my ceiling
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
