we have officially lost it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
