yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
