also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
40s are totally the cure
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
