i was born a porn star she said
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
