I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
