Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize