dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
