What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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