I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
