girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
